On and off over the last year and a half, she has struggled with nightmares. You know, the regular stuff....monsters, sharks, lions...etc. It's hard to watch because I can see how scared she is and I want so bad to fix it. I have spent some time exploring with her what these are about and assessing what's going on with her. I know that there are emotional issues that she may be having: fears, feeling alone, things that she is working out and I can help her with, etc. But sometimes... they just happen.
Her solution is always to sleep in my bed with me. While part of me would love to allow that, knowing that she would feel immediately safer/better, it would also start a habit of that being the answer each night, anticipated nightmare or not.
Additionally, it is important to me that we can come up with ideas together and she learn ways to help herself with this so she doesn't feel quite as helpless. Granted there are occasional nights when she will come into my room in the middle of the night after one of these have occurred and I will let her snuggle in with me without a moment's hesitation. However, I feel a little better knowing those nights are few and that I've tucked her into bed utilizing other options first. Here are a few ideas that we have found work a good amount of the time and, that's good enough for me...
Spray it! "Monster Away" Spray-This was a cute idea from one of her dance teachers "Miss Zetta" it is simply a homemade spray bottle decorated with puffy paints and filled with glittery water (on my sisters suggestion, I also added a bit of soothing lavender oil.) She simply keeps it by her bedside and sprays when she goes to bed and when/if she wakes up in the night.
Favorite Things/Happy Place: Clearly if you are a fan of The Sound of Music this is no foreign concept to you. (Are the hills in fact "alive?" I don't know. I suppose that's a "perspective" issue... but I digress...) If she is feeling afraid when she goes to bed, we will talk about some of her favorite things or places/things/people that make her happy, favorite memories, etc. I will sit by her bed and talk about some of these with her and ask her detailed questions about them until I can see that she has been in that frame of mind for a little bit. Then I will leave her with the assignment of coming up with a list of 10 favorite things that I will ask her about in the morning.
Music: This is her favorite and works like a charm. When music fills the house, the vibe changes and there can be instant comfort. I will either choose a playlist or let her choose one. When I used this when my son was little, I put him to bed with things like Yanni and Enya (which my sister thought was "creepy" ) My daughter prefers "hipper" tunes. The music of choice lately has been Coldplay, Death Cab for Cutie, and Regina Spector, among many other favorites.
Obviously these methods don't ensure that her nightmares will never happen, but they have definitely been very helpful in giving her some coping strategies and solid sleep filled nights. And...on the occasional night that she finds her way into my bed... I am grateful that she is still little enough to want her mommy..... :0)
The water bottle is a cute idea, I especially like the lavender oil :). When my husband was little his parents gave him a "magic wand" for when he was scared at night. . . I know he took comfort in that, and extended the idea to our kids when they were little.
ReplyDeleteThe music is one of my faves even if your not scared!
Kara,
ReplyDeleteMy kids have been dealing with this lately and it is driving me crazy! Between the 3 of them I feel like we are up almost every night with someone in our room. LIke you, I don't let them get in bed with me and have always done the "happy place" tatic talking about fun things we will do the next day, their upcoming birthday, favorite memory, etc and it sometimes helps and sometimes lands them in my room 30 minutes later still scared to death. My kids worry about scorpions, animals attacking them, and robbers (our neighbors were robbed a month ago and the police knocked on our door with all the children there to hear what had happened). Anyway, some of these are legitamatie fears but it still is so hard for to Erik and I to get up so often with them. Addie will wake up Berklie and visa versa (they are in the same room) and then it's worse because they are up talking at 3 am! It is seriously killing me. I was up every half hour last night from 2 to 4:40 with 2 terrified little girls. My question to you is when they get up scared do you direct them to get the spray bottle and use it on their own without waking you. Or does Kennadie still come get you and you help her spray and put her back to bed. I want to come up with a solution that doesn't involve me. Erik and I talked last night at 3 am about making a chart and every time they stay in bed for a week straight they can earn something. That's probably not your favorite idea but I am desparate!!! i love your blog!!
Hey Kelly. Yeah, it can be really tough and exhausting! lol Yes, I have Kenn use monster spray herself when/if she wakes up and I also have her sleep with a special buddy (stuffed animal) of her choosing as an additional comfort. I've got a few other ideas (a go back to sleep game that they can play together, and another angle on the chart you were thinking about doing, etc.) for you as well but it would make for a very long comment! Give me a call or we can discuss further next Monday over lunch. I'm glad you stopped by to read and comment! :0)
ReplyDeleteVery cool, I forget sometimes about the power of music. And I love the monster spray. Thanks for posting this my sister!
ReplyDelete