Like many of you, my week is full of work, kids' activities, errands, household obligations and so much more. In the midst of all of this "life" happening, I have often found myself feeling like I am missing moments of connection, teaching, and really knowing my children. I have a few precious moments that are set aside like nightly tuck ins, and our Saturday morning breakfasts that I love. However, I find that so much can come from one on one time, whether its a special planned activity or just grabbing an ice cream together. I wanted to find a way to take advantage of that and turn it from a great concept that I "really should do sometime", to an active habit.
I remember as a little girl, my parents would occasionally take us on a "date". This was a time that was just for us when there were no other distractions and we were able to talk and enjoy being together. It started off as a regular thing and then became more of an "as needed" type of situation which seemed to work fairly well in my family. I always looked forward to time that I knew was just for me. It is important to me, for several reasons, that my children are able to have similar experiences.
A couple of months ago, I began reinstating the "weekly date", with each of my children. Generally speaking it is always on the same day, at the same time. I will ask each one what they would like to do for their "date" and give them the parameters I would like for them to work within (ie, going to Disneyland this Thursday afternoon is not an option, HOWEVER, here are some things that WOULD work for this week:...) usually they already have an idea of what they would like to do. On occasion, I will have an idea or something planned as well and we go and do whatever it is and get to just be around each other.
As a parent, I find that our dates tend to remind me of how much I not only love my kids, but genuinely LIKE them and enjoy being around them. I find, the more I truly know them, (which in part, can only come through spending time), the more I feel this way. It also allows me to include another aspect of parenting that I feel is important in staying connected: The personal interview. This is basically my opportunity to do "check ins" with my kids. I will ask them about everything that is going on in their lives and how they are feeling. It is my time to ask personal questions and give my undivided attention so that I can assess their needs and what I can be doing better/differently. I love the fact that my kids look forward to this.
My date with my 14 year old is on Thursday afternoon/evenings. He usually likes to pick a place to eat and somewhere to grab dessert (if its not the same place). Last Tuesday he says to me, "So Mom, are you excited about our date this week?" Smiling a bit to myself I said, "Totally Bud, are you?" He said, "Yeah Mom, I'm really looking forward to it." I said, "Really? Which part are you looking forward to the most?" To which he replied, "I just really like that we get to talk, ya know?" I wanted to melt. I look so forward to this time, finding out about his world and connecting with my TEENAGE (ugh! where has the time gone?!) son. I don't know how many more years I will have of him "looking forward" to this. So far, so good...
My 7 year old is a bit different, naturally. With her, we usually end up doing more of an activity type of thing: baking, doing a craft, going to the park, or other activities. I will also talk to her during this time and ask the same type of questions that I do my 14 year old, just in 7 year old format. I am constantly blown away by the feedback I get from this little one. I learn so much from her.
All in all, weekly dates have changed the type of relationship that I have with my kids. There is so much time spent in the structure and "have tos" of life that the "I really like you, want to know what's going on in your life and like to spend time with you" can get easily lost in the shuffle.
So, whether it is a weekly date with each of your children, or a monthly date, or whatever frequency works for your family, I can't tell you how much I recommend instilling this as a habit. Its touching to see how much our kids look forward to time with us where we set aside all other distractions (no phones!) and it gets to just be all about them. Its amazing the bond that it creates and helps to solidify. And, just when we thought we knew everything about our kids... we learn something new. AND they are even cooler than we thought... :0)
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Monday, October 10, 2011
A little structure goes a long way...
So, ever since I lost the best nanny in the world (namely my sister, Kyla who lived with me for 3 years as my Nanny/housekeeper and best friend) I've been meaning to get a job chart going for the kiddies to help us with some organization and to make things easier on all of us. I had an idea of what I wanted to do and kept changing and adding to it in my mind for so long that I never actually DID it. Which was a bummer because that kinda defeats the whole purpose of putting together a job chart. Did it really need to be that complicated? Well, no....and, yes. lol
I wanted a job chart, to be sure, but I also wanted to do some kind of a feelings or "how you doin'?" type of aspect as well. So, if they were sad or mad or needed to talk there would be an additional way for them to express that. I had to sit on that for a little while trying to decide what would work best. I didn't want to have multiple charts up. So, using a large dry erase/magnetic board, clear accent gems with clip art and magnets glued on the back, I threw it all onto one gigantic job chart.
Each morning, I line up all the things that need to be done on that specific day. The kids really love moving the little pictures over to "Done" each day. It also keeps me from feeling like I have to stay on them about what they are supposed to be doing. AND...I love that they put their little "feelings faces" up on top of their names. I wondered if they would really use those and they do. Finally implementing this little chart has things running quite smoothly in our household and has made my life easier for sure!
If you don't currently have a system for getting jobs done that does not include constant reminding and maybe even a little yelling on those days when you've just about had it, I highly recommend implementing a job chart system that works for you as soon as possible. Whether it involves a simple posterboard/sticker system or a magnetic board with clipart gems, either way, Job charts=happier kids=happier mom= 2 thumbs up!!
I wanted a job chart, to be sure, but I also wanted to do some kind of a feelings or "how you doin'?" type of aspect as well. So, if they were sad or mad or needed to talk there would be an additional way for them to express that. I had to sit on that for a little while trying to decide what would work best. I didn't want to have multiple charts up. So, using a large dry erase/magnetic board, clear accent gems with clip art and magnets glued on the back, I threw it all onto one gigantic job chart.
Each morning, I line up all the things that need to be done on that specific day. The kids really love moving the little pictures over to "Done" each day. It also keeps me from feeling like I have to stay on them about what they are supposed to be doing. AND...I love that they put their little "feelings faces" up on top of their names. I wondered if they would really use those and they do. Finally implementing this little chart has things running quite smoothly in our household and has made my life easier for sure!
If you don't currently have a system for getting jobs done that does not include constant reminding and maybe even a little yelling on those days when you've just about had it, I highly recommend implementing a job chart system that works for you as soon as possible. Whether it involves a simple posterboard/sticker system or a magnetic board with clipart gems, either way, Job charts=happier kids=happier mom= 2 thumbs up!!
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Meals times: Make it work!!
I really feel like there is much to be said for sitting down together as a family during meals. It is such a great time for everyone to download and take a breath together. It may be the one time throughout the day that you get to sit down and look at the members of your family in the eye, take a moment to take them in and say "Hi! How was your day and how are you doing?"
Additionally, as a mother there is also something extremely satisfying to me about cooking a great tasting, healthy meal for my babies. I love to sit down with them and look at them both, ask about their day and just "be" with them. Unfortunately/fortunately, because I have to/am able to work the majority of weeknights, I am so sad to miss this with them and am often seeing them for the first time since the morning send off, as I am squeezing in as much time possible during bedtime tuck ins.
Because of the connection that meal time can bring, I do feel like it is a time that should not only be promoted but protected. This is difficult for me as having several clients who can only meet in the evening, changing my schedule is not an option. Maybe that's my lack of faith....I don't know. I know one incredible woman whose family always has dinner together every evening at 5:30 on the dot. They have even moved sports teams to accommodate their family dinner time! While some may think this extreme, she feels not having this time together as a family is not an option for them. She has said, "I will move whatever I need to move around so we can have dinner together. Its that important to me." I so admire this mom and her determination to keep her family connected. Unfortunately, as a single working mom, this is not an option for me....
I struggled with this and thought, "there has to be a way that I can make this principle work better in our little family." While I am home quite a few nights, and am able to prepare and partake in the majority of their meals (no phones, books, or any distractions allowed) it isn't as often as I would like. I wanted more time to connect, also something that they will look back and remember that we always did "X". So here is how, in the words of Project Runway's Tim Gunn, I "Make it work!"...
A love of music and dancing is HUGE in our family. I pretty much have music wherever I go and I am notorious for dancing around the house while I am doing whatever, cooking, making my bed, etc. My kids will often join in this with me and we can all have some fun and let loose together. Saturday mornings also happen to be a time when we are always together. So, for quite a while now, we have been having our Saturday morning Pancake Breakfast Dance Party!! I feature different pancakes each week. At the beginning of the week, I will post that week's "special" along with the musical theme. My 14 year old creates the playlist for us. We all dance and cook and then sit down to enjoy our pancakes together. I love this time with them!!! They get excited to see what this week's feature will be. The last two weeks have included 80s Alternative Blueberry Oatmeal Pancakes and Disco Pineapple Pumpkin, Pecan Pancakes (these are my new favorite!)
My point to all of this lengthy rambling?? There are always things that we wish we had more time, resources, etc for. I have found that the less I stop wishing I had more of whatever or I could do more of whatever, and find an angle to satisfy whatever need I am wanting to fill or purpose I am wanting to obtain (in this case, creating memories and moments of closeness with my kids) with what I DO have and what I CAN do, it works just fabulously! So, take a little inventory of what you DO have available and what you CAN offer and "Make it work!" (and... if you can be stylish at the same time, BONUS!!) ;0)
Additionally, as a mother there is also something extremely satisfying to me about cooking a great tasting, healthy meal for my babies. I love to sit down with them and look at them both, ask about their day and just "be" with them. Unfortunately/fortunately, because I have to/am able to work the majority of weeknights, I am so sad to miss this with them and am often seeing them for the first time since the morning send off, as I am squeezing in as much time possible during bedtime tuck ins.
Because of the connection that meal time can bring, I do feel like it is a time that should not only be promoted but protected. This is difficult for me as having several clients who can only meet in the evening, changing my schedule is not an option. Maybe that's my lack of faith....I don't know. I know one incredible woman whose family always has dinner together every evening at 5:30 on the dot. They have even moved sports teams to accommodate their family dinner time! While some may think this extreme, she feels not having this time together as a family is not an option for them. She has said, "I will move whatever I need to move around so we can have dinner together. Its that important to me." I so admire this mom and her determination to keep her family connected. Unfortunately, as a single working mom, this is not an option for me....
I struggled with this and thought, "there has to be a way that I can make this principle work better in our little family." While I am home quite a few nights, and am able to prepare and partake in the majority of their meals (no phones, books, or any distractions allowed) it isn't as often as I would like. I wanted more time to connect, also something that they will look back and remember that we always did "X". So here is how, in the words of Project Runway's Tim Gunn, I "Make it work!"...
A love of music and dancing is HUGE in our family. I pretty much have music wherever I go and I am notorious for dancing around the house while I am doing whatever, cooking, making my bed, etc. My kids will often join in this with me and we can all have some fun and let loose together. Saturday mornings also happen to be a time when we are always together. So, for quite a while now, we have been having our Saturday morning Pancake Breakfast Dance Party!! I feature different pancakes each week. At the beginning of the week, I will post that week's "special" along with the musical theme. My 14 year old creates the playlist for us. We all dance and cook and then sit down to enjoy our pancakes together. I love this time with them!!! They get excited to see what this week's feature will be. The last two weeks have included 80s Alternative Blueberry Oatmeal Pancakes and Disco Pineapple Pumpkin, Pecan Pancakes (these are my new favorite!)
My point to all of this lengthy rambling?? There are always things that we wish we had more time, resources, etc for. I have found that the less I stop wishing I had more of whatever or I could do more of whatever, and find an angle to satisfy whatever need I am wanting to fill or purpose I am wanting to obtain (in this case, creating memories and moments of closeness with my kids) with what I DO have and what I CAN do, it works just fabulously! So, take a little inventory of what you DO have available and what you CAN offer and "Make it work!" (and... if you can be stylish at the same time, BONUS!!) ;0)
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