So I believe I have posted before about the ritual I have with my kids at bedtime with the "Best and Worst" of the day. Sometimes it will be a little different like "what made you laugh really hard today?" or "what happened today that made you mad or sad?" or some other question of the like. Recently while luncheon-ing with some of m'ladies, my girlfriend, Mandie shared the cutest thing that they do at their house during dinnertime. I loved it so much, I had to share.
Each night around the dinner table they share "Sweet, Sour, and Service". Each person shares something that was sweet (best) about their day, a sour (worst) about their day and a service that they gave to someone else. The kids get really excited to share and as a result are looking for opportunities to give service throughout the day. I love the mindset this encourages and the important principle of stepping outside of yourself and your experience enough to give to someone else. What a great way to teach our children to pay attention to the needs of those around them and to look for ways to leave people better than we found them! We will definitely be including a little bit o' "Sweet, Sour, and Service" up in here!! Highly recommended for all parents and families.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Keepin' it Positive...
Over the holidays (during which I disappeared from the blogosphere for a time...) I had a conversation with one of my brothers that, like most conversations with any of them, got me thinking. We were discussing the importance of staying positive, what a difference it makes and with "life" always happening around you, how difficult it can be sometimes. With a brand new baby and 2 little ones at home, school, work, and etc, he was telling me that he and his wife were struggling with discouragement and stress in their home.
One morning while discussing this together and exploring solutions, they decided that they were going to do an experiment for a month and take complaining completely off the table to see what kind of change, if any, that created in their home. He told me the results were astounding. The atmosphere in his home was entirely different as they each focused on emphasizing the positive instead of the negative. This was such an inspiration to me. It is not lost on me that this is not necessarily a new concept. However, isn't it interesting how easily we forget and how often we need to be reminded to stay on top of the things that we want and don't want to create in our lives? I know for me, it is.
This may seem familiar as it is essentially a derivative of the old "if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all." While Thumper's mother was in fact giving sound advice here, I would suggest that it is, and should be, a bit more than that. It is a true concept that whatever we choose to focus on, we feed and as a result, whatever we feed gets bigger or has a larger presence in our lives. With that in mind, in order for this concept to have the most impact, it would need to be a 2 part process. While the absence of complaining on its own is very powerful and if we did nothing else but that, we would see a difference, it would make sense to also add the presence of whatever it is that your wanting.
I thought about how I could introduce this change with my children as I found myself getting frustrated with the amount of complaining that was going on and the level of irritation that grew in our home as a result. I want my kids to feel like they can express their concerns to me but I think teaching them how to do it with a positive, solution focused, perspective is more effective and productive. Here is what I decided to do:
Yesterday I announced and discussed with my kids the implementation of the "Complaint Jar" (this is also not a new concept and has several derivatives of its own). Each time any of us is heard complaining, we are required to drop a quarter in the jar (a dollar would have been too much for my 7 yr old who only gets a small amount in allowance, and I'm gonna be honest here, she's our biggest offender and would be out of money before you could say "Prada," but if your kids are older, I would suggest increasing it to an amount that makes sense.)
We talked very specifically about what exactly a "complaint" was vs a "concern" and asking for help if you're struggling with something, as well as how to focus on finding solutions and positive perspectives for concerns/problems. I wanted everyone to be very clear before we began that I wasn't asking them not to feel or voice concerns or "pretend" that everything is always great. It's all about perspective and its my job as a mom to teach them how to find that.
Usually I am not big on the "pay up for poor behavior" concept as I favor discipline over punishment. However, the point to this for me was that I wanted all of us to be on heightened awareness and called to attention regarding how often we (mostly one of us..lol) were complaining without having to harp on or target one kid in particular. Plus, its something we all can benefit from. At the end of the week, the money is donated. It does not go to the person who complained the least or into a pot for a family vacation! I did't want any of us being externally rewarded for our behavior, one way or another. Our family chose one of the many donation opportunities available through our church.
To increase the emphasis on the positive, I chose to add to our nightly family prayer and scripture study, saying one thing that we each loved and/or appreciated about each other. I am excited to see what changes occur in our home. The kids are excited to begin and with enough complaining in the world to sustain us all through a nuclear holocaust, I for one could do with a little more positive up in here!!
One morning while discussing this together and exploring solutions, they decided that they were going to do an experiment for a month and take complaining completely off the table to see what kind of change, if any, that created in their home. He told me the results were astounding. The atmosphere in his home was entirely different as they each focused on emphasizing the positive instead of the negative. This was such an inspiration to me. It is not lost on me that this is not necessarily a new concept. However, isn't it interesting how easily we forget and how often we need to be reminded to stay on top of the things that we want and don't want to create in our lives? I know for me, it is.
This may seem familiar as it is essentially a derivative of the old "if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all." While Thumper's mother was in fact giving sound advice here, I would suggest that it is, and should be, a bit more than that. It is a true concept that whatever we choose to focus on, we feed and as a result, whatever we feed gets bigger or has a larger presence in our lives. With that in mind, in order for this concept to have the most impact, it would need to be a 2 part process. While the absence of complaining on its own is very powerful and if we did nothing else but that, we would see a difference, it would make sense to also add the presence of whatever it is that your wanting.
I thought about how I could introduce this change with my children as I found myself getting frustrated with the amount of complaining that was going on and the level of irritation that grew in our home as a result. I want my kids to feel like they can express their concerns to me but I think teaching them how to do it with a positive, solution focused, perspective is more effective and productive. Here is what I decided to do:
Yesterday I announced and discussed with my kids the implementation of the "Complaint Jar" (this is also not a new concept and has several derivatives of its own). Each time any of us is heard complaining, we are required to drop a quarter in the jar (a dollar would have been too much for my 7 yr old who only gets a small amount in allowance, and I'm gonna be honest here, she's our biggest offender and would be out of money before you could say "Prada," but if your kids are older, I would suggest increasing it to an amount that makes sense.)
We talked very specifically about what exactly a "complaint" was vs a "concern" and asking for help if you're struggling with something, as well as how to focus on finding solutions and positive perspectives for concerns/problems. I wanted everyone to be very clear before we began that I wasn't asking them not to feel or voice concerns or "pretend" that everything is always great. It's all about perspective and its my job as a mom to teach them how to find that.
Usually I am not big on the "pay up for poor behavior" concept as I favor discipline over punishment. However, the point to this for me was that I wanted all of us to be on heightened awareness and called to attention regarding how often we (mostly one of us..lol) were complaining without having to harp on or target one kid in particular. Plus, its something we all can benefit from. At the end of the week, the money is donated. It does not go to the person who complained the least or into a pot for a family vacation! I did't want any of us being externally rewarded for our behavior, one way or another. Our family chose one of the many donation opportunities available through our church.
To increase the emphasis on the positive, I chose to add to our nightly family prayer and scripture study, saying one thing that we each loved and/or appreciated about each other. I am excited to see what changes occur in our home. The kids are excited to begin and with enough complaining in the world to sustain us all through a nuclear holocaust, I for one could do with a little more positive up in here!!
Sunday, November 27, 2011
The Importance of Nurturing Creativity
I loved this presentation from Sir Ken Robinson at the TED conference a few years ago about the importance of creativity and his analysis on the way our current education system discourages us/our children from using it as we are generally taught "this must always equal that" and one right (or more right, if its a story problem, I suppose... lol) answer.
While this type of prep and knowledge unquestionably has value, unfortunately by discouraging creativity in schools (and maybe in our homes as well as we focus on our children bringing home those A's and grooming them for professions WE deem valuable), our view of the world and our potential in it, becomes increasingly limited as we lose our ability to see a broader spectrum of options.
After all, that is a large part of what the ability and freedom to be creative is about: seeing options. This ability to see options is a huge advantage when navigating through the adventure of life. I can't tell you how often in dealing with my clients I see their discouragement centered around the inability to identify options other than those they are currently stuck in. Ironically, although innately acquired, creativity and finding options becomes something that we end up having to relearn in our adulthood. How much easier then, we can make it on our children if we protect, foster and nurture their innate sense of creativity.
Sadly, it is becoming more and more apparent that we cannot rely on our school systems to nurture, build and even place the appropriate amount of value on our children's innate ability and need to be creative. Much like the story of Gillian Lynne, it is also OUR lack of creativity and the ability to identify other options as we parent our children that we often get discouraged or wonder what is wrong with them instead of being able to think outside of the box. It is up to us as parents to encourage and nurture creativity in our homes. But how do we do this? And, is it too late to start?
First of all, I am a firm believer that it is never too late to start being more effective. That is a never ending process. So I figure, we add to this process with each new insight we receive. We are always teaching our kids what is most important by the things we do. Much more powerful than the things we say, the things they see us do, where we spend most of our time and place most of our energy, most effectively communicates to them what is REALLY of utmost importance. That being said, the best way then to begin teaching the value of creativity is of course, to be doing these things ourselves.
What does this look like? If you were or ever wanted to be a dancer, start dancing. Take a dance class once a week. If you loved to write, get out a composition book and begin writing even if its just your thoughts to begin with. Or, if you were at one time a painter or you'd like to start now, go pick up a canvas and some paint and get to it! If its been years since you picked up your guitar or sat at the piano, don't let another week go by without sitting down to play. And if you always wanted to play but don't know how, sign up for lessons. You catch my drift. How can we help our children cultivate creativity if we are unwilling to do the same for ourselves?
Another great way to begin encouraging more creativity is to support the creative efforts of others. We should take our children to ballets/dance performances, plays, concerts, art galleries, museums and orchestra performances and talk together about what we noticed, thought and felt while observing these different forms and expression of creativity.
There are also more interactive types of activities that can help place an emphasis on creativity. From a large family finger painting (whether done with paint or colored pudding), to prop type games that encourage players to find alternate uses for each object, or an add on story where parts are created by each person adding upon the last person's contribution. When it comes to nurturing creativity in our homes,these are only a few fun games that can be played where the family can have fun and enjoy being creative together.
I agree that this is in fact one of the most incredible abilities we have as humans and it is far too underemphasized. The ability to be creative is essential in achieving ultimate joy and happiness in our lives. Let us start encouraging this in our children and ourselves as we seek to be better people and parents. The positive effects can be multi-facted and far reaching. How different Gillian Lynn's life would have been if it weren't for one person who was able to see beyond the current options given to be able to explain, "Gillian isn't sick. She's a dancer."
Sunday, November 13, 2011
The healing of "Holding Time"
Physical affection and contact is something that everyone needs. It creates a type of closeness and connection that goes beyond what words can do. Occasionally in my practice, I will have a client who was raised in a family where there was no affection expressed at all. Both between husband and wife and from parent to child. This is always so sad to me because I know how essential touch and affection are in conveying closeness, comfort, safety, love and so many other feelings. Because this is so important, I have integrated into my "parenting toolbox" a technique that I learned from my dad years ago that my kids and I call "Holding Time." This technique consists of at least 10 minutes each week where you just hold/hug your kids and nobody talks. It is amazing to me the things that you can feel take place in that 10 minutes. I also found after implementing this that it is not only powerful for my kids but for me.
Most of the time it is just a great little (okay, long) hug with my kids that lets them know they are loved, but sometimes there are the times when you can feel more happening.
I remember one specific situation in which my daughter was having a bit of a rough morning. This carried over into our drive and on our way to school she was whiny and unhappy in the car. I could feel myself starting to get frustrated. We dropped off her brother and still had about 15 minutes before her school started. As we were getting ready to get out of the car and I could hear her still back there having a hard time, and feel myself getting more and more frustrated, I decided to pull an impromptu "Holding Time". I asked her to come up to the front seat of the car with me. When she did, I scooped her up and just held her and said, "It sounds like you're having a frustrating morning. Why don't we take a little break together and do some holding time, okay?" She said okay and without another word, we sat there in the front seat of my SUV, in the school parking lot and I held her close.
In the quietness between us, I felt her little body completely relax, her breathing slow down and her demeanor change. I also felt myself calming and letting go of my previous frustrations. In that moment, it was just her and I and an unspoken communication happening that was creating change. After about 8 minutes I softly said, "I think that is just what we both needed. Think you're ready to head to school now?" To which she replied, "I think so mom. Thanks. I feel a lot better." "Me too", I told her. Its pretty incredible what just 8 minutes of connectedness can do.
It isn't always possible to stop for "Holding Time" when frustrating things are happening. But, sometimes...it is. Either way, setting aside time each week, impromptu or not, to hold our kids and communicate together on this level can go such a long way.
I am grateful to my dad who taught me this and the closeness that it helps to create, even with my 14 yr old son. :0) It really is amazing. Just a few minutes of dedicated affection can go such a long way and can be so instrumental in changing the way we experience our lives. We may not even be aware of the entire range of positive effects. However, when my children grow up and someone asks them how they knew they were loved and cared for, I hope that this will be another way in which I was able to communicate that to them. I highly recommend scheduling it into your week.
Most of the time it is just a great little (okay, long) hug with my kids that lets them know they are loved, but sometimes there are the times when you can feel more happening.
I remember one specific situation in which my daughter was having a bit of a rough morning. This carried over into our drive and on our way to school she was whiny and unhappy in the car. I could feel myself starting to get frustrated. We dropped off her brother and still had about 15 minutes before her school started. As we were getting ready to get out of the car and I could hear her still back there having a hard time, and feel myself getting more and more frustrated, I decided to pull an impromptu "Holding Time". I asked her to come up to the front seat of the car with me. When she did, I scooped her up and just held her and said, "It sounds like you're having a frustrating morning. Why don't we take a little break together and do some holding time, okay?" She said okay and without another word, we sat there in the front seat of my SUV, in the school parking lot and I held her close.
In the quietness between us, I felt her little body completely relax, her breathing slow down and her demeanor change. I also felt myself calming and letting go of my previous frustrations. In that moment, it was just her and I and an unspoken communication happening that was creating change. After about 8 minutes I softly said, "I think that is just what we both needed. Think you're ready to head to school now?" To which she replied, "I think so mom. Thanks. I feel a lot better." "Me too", I told her. Its pretty incredible what just 8 minutes of connectedness can do.
It isn't always possible to stop for "Holding Time" when frustrating things are happening. But, sometimes...it is. Either way, setting aside time each week, impromptu or not, to hold our kids and communicate together on this level can go such a long way.
I am grateful to my dad who taught me this and the closeness that it helps to create, even with my 14 yr old son. :0) It really is amazing. Just a few minutes of dedicated affection can go such a long way and can be so instrumental in changing the way we experience our lives. We may not even be aware of the entire range of positive effects. However, when my children grow up and someone asks them how they knew they were loved and cared for, I hope that this will be another way in which I was able to communicate that to them. I highly recommend scheduling it into your week.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
"We should make time to talk, dontcha think?": The importance of dates and personal interviews
Like many of you, my week is full of work, kids' activities, errands, household obligations and so much more. In the midst of all of this "life" happening, I have often found myself feeling like I am missing moments of connection, teaching, and really knowing my children. I have a few precious moments that are set aside like nightly tuck ins, and our Saturday morning breakfasts that I love. However, I find that so much can come from one on one time, whether its a special planned activity or just grabbing an ice cream together. I wanted to find a way to take advantage of that and turn it from a great concept that I "really should do sometime", to an active habit.
I remember as a little girl, my parents would occasionally take us on a "date". This was a time that was just for us when there were no other distractions and we were able to talk and enjoy being together. It started off as a regular thing and then became more of an "as needed" type of situation which seemed to work fairly well in my family. I always looked forward to time that I knew was just for me. It is important to me, for several reasons, that my children are able to have similar experiences.
A couple of months ago, I began reinstating the "weekly date", with each of my children. Generally speaking it is always on the same day, at the same time. I will ask each one what they would like to do for their "date" and give them the parameters I would like for them to work within (ie, going to Disneyland this Thursday afternoon is not an option, HOWEVER, here are some things that WOULD work for this week:...) usually they already have an idea of what they would like to do. On occasion, I will have an idea or something planned as well and we go and do whatever it is and get to just be around each other.
As a parent, I find that our dates tend to remind me of how much I not only love my kids, but genuinely LIKE them and enjoy being around them. I find, the more I truly know them, (which in part, can only come through spending time), the more I feel this way. It also allows me to include another aspect of parenting that I feel is important in staying connected: The personal interview. This is basically my opportunity to do "check ins" with my kids. I will ask them about everything that is going on in their lives and how they are feeling. It is my time to ask personal questions and give my undivided attention so that I can assess their needs and what I can be doing better/differently. I love the fact that my kids look forward to this.
My date with my 14 year old is on Thursday afternoon/evenings. He usually likes to pick a place to eat and somewhere to grab dessert (if its not the same place). Last Tuesday he says to me, "So Mom, are you excited about our date this week?" Smiling a bit to myself I said, "Totally Bud, are you?" He said, "Yeah Mom, I'm really looking forward to it." I said, "Really? Which part are you looking forward to the most?" To which he replied, "I just really like that we get to talk, ya know?" I wanted to melt. I look so forward to this time, finding out about his world and connecting with my TEENAGE (ugh! where has the time gone?!) son. I don't know how many more years I will have of him "looking forward" to this. So far, so good...
My 7 year old is a bit different, naturally. With her, we usually end up doing more of an activity type of thing: baking, doing a craft, going to the park, or other activities. I will also talk to her during this time and ask the same type of questions that I do my 14 year old, just in 7 year old format. I am constantly blown away by the feedback I get from this little one. I learn so much from her.
All in all, weekly dates have changed the type of relationship that I have with my kids. There is so much time spent in the structure and "have tos" of life that the "I really like you, want to know what's going on in your life and like to spend time with you" can get easily lost in the shuffle.
So, whether it is a weekly date with each of your children, or a monthly date, or whatever frequency works for your family, I can't tell you how much I recommend instilling this as a habit. Its touching to see how much our kids look forward to time with us where we set aside all other distractions (no phones!) and it gets to just be all about them. Its amazing the bond that it creates and helps to solidify. And, just when we thought we knew everything about our kids... we learn something new. AND they are even cooler than we thought... :0)
I remember as a little girl, my parents would occasionally take us on a "date". This was a time that was just for us when there were no other distractions and we were able to talk and enjoy being together. It started off as a regular thing and then became more of an "as needed" type of situation which seemed to work fairly well in my family. I always looked forward to time that I knew was just for me. It is important to me, for several reasons, that my children are able to have similar experiences.
A couple of months ago, I began reinstating the "weekly date", with each of my children. Generally speaking it is always on the same day, at the same time. I will ask each one what they would like to do for their "date" and give them the parameters I would like for them to work within (ie, going to Disneyland this Thursday afternoon is not an option, HOWEVER, here are some things that WOULD work for this week:...) usually they already have an idea of what they would like to do. On occasion, I will have an idea or something planned as well and we go and do whatever it is and get to just be around each other.
As a parent, I find that our dates tend to remind me of how much I not only love my kids, but genuinely LIKE them and enjoy being around them. I find, the more I truly know them, (which in part, can only come through spending time), the more I feel this way. It also allows me to include another aspect of parenting that I feel is important in staying connected: The personal interview. This is basically my opportunity to do "check ins" with my kids. I will ask them about everything that is going on in their lives and how they are feeling. It is my time to ask personal questions and give my undivided attention so that I can assess their needs and what I can be doing better/differently. I love the fact that my kids look forward to this.
My date with my 14 year old is on Thursday afternoon/evenings. He usually likes to pick a place to eat and somewhere to grab dessert (if its not the same place). Last Tuesday he says to me, "So Mom, are you excited about our date this week?" Smiling a bit to myself I said, "Totally Bud, are you?" He said, "Yeah Mom, I'm really looking forward to it." I said, "Really? Which part are you looking forward to the most?" To which he replied, "I just really like that we get to talk, ya know?" I wanted to melt. I look so forward to this time, finding out about his world and connecting with my TEENAGE (ugh! where has the time gone?!) son. I don't know how many more years I will have of him "looking forward" to this. So far, so good...
My 7 year old is a bit different, naturally. With her, we usually end up doing more of an activity type of thing: baking, doing a craft, going to the park, or other activities. I will also talk to her during this time and ask the same type of questions that I do my 14 year old, just in 7 year old format. I am constantly blown away by the feedback I get from this little one. I learn so much from her.
All in all, weekly dates have changed the type of relationship that I have with my kids. There is so much time spent in the structure and "have tos" of life that the "I really like you, want to know what's going on in your life and like to spend time with you" can get easily lost in the shuffle.
So, whether it is a weekly date with each of your children, or a monthly date, or whatever frequency works for your family, I can't tell you how much I recommend instilling this as a habit. Its touching to see how much our kids look forward to time with us where we set aside all other distractions (no phones!) and it gets to just be all about them. Its amazing the bond that it creates and helps to solidify. And, just when we thought we knew everything about our kids... we learn something new. AND they are even cooler than we thought... :0)
Monday, October 10, 2011
A little structure goes a long way...
So, ever since I lost the best nanny in the world (namely my sister, Kyla who lived with me for 3 years as my Nanny/housekeeper and best friend) I've been meaning to get a job chart going for the kiddies to help us with some organization and to make things easier on all of us. I had an idea of what I wanted to do and kept changing and adding to it in my mind for so long that I never actually DID it. Which was a bummer because that kinda defeats the whole purpose of putting together a job chart. Did it really need to be that complicated? Well, no....and, yes. lol
I wanted a job chart, to be sure, but I also wanted to do some kind of a feelings or "how you doin'?" type of aspect as well. So, if they were sad or mad or needed to talk there would be an additional way for them to express that. I had to sit on that for a little while trying to decide what would work best. I didn't want to have multiple charts up. So, using a large dry erase/magnetic board, clear accent gems with clip art and magnets glued on the back, I threw it all onto one gigantic job chart.
Each morning, I line up all the things that need to be done on that specific day. The kids really love moving the little pictures over to "Done" each day. It also keeps me from feeling like I have to stay on them about what they are supposed to be doing. AND...I love that they put their little "feelings faces" up on top of their names. I wondered if they would really use those and they do. Finally implementing this little chart has things running quite smoothly in our household and has made my life easier for sure!
If you don't currently have a system for getting jobs done that does not include constant reminding and maybe even a little yelling on those days when you've just about had it, I highly recommend implementing a job chart system that works for you as soon as possible. Whether it involves a simple posterboard/sticker system or a magnetic board with clipart gems, either way, Job charts=happier kids=happier mom= 2 thumbs up!!
I wanted a job chart, to be sure, but I also wanted to do some kind of a feelings or "how you doin'?" type of aspect as well. So, if they were sad or mad or needed to talk there would be an additional way for them to express that. I had to sit on that for a little while trying to decide what would work best. I didn't want to have multiple charts up. So, using a large dry erase/magnetic board, clear accent gems with clip art and magnets glued on the back, I threw it all onto one gigantic job chart.
Each morning, I line up all the things that need to be done on that specific day. The kids really love moving the little pictures over to "Done" each day. It also keeps me from feeling like I have to stay on them about what they are supposed to be doing. AND...I love that they put their little "feelings faces" up on top of their names. I wondered if they would really use those and they do. Finally implementing this little chart has things running quite smoothly in our household and has made my life easier for sure!
If you don't currently have a system for getting jobs done that does not include constant reminding and maybe even a little yelling on those days when you've just about had it, I highly recommend implementing a job chart system that works for you as soon as possible. Whether it involves a simple posterboard/sticker system or a magnetic board with clipart gems, either way, Job charts=happier kids=happier mom= 2 thumbs up!!
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Meals times: Make it work!!
I really feel like there is much to be said for sitting down together as a family during meals. It is such a great time for everyone to download and take a breath together. It may be the one time throughout the day that you get to sit down and look at the members of your family in the eye, take a moment to take them in and say "Hi! How was your day and how are you doing?"
Additionally, as a mother there is also something extremely satisfying to me about cooking a great tasting, healthy meal for my babies. I love to sit down with them and look at them both, ask about their day and just "be" with them. Unfortunately/fortunately, because I have to/am able to work the majority of weeknights, I am so sad to miss this with them and am often seeing them for the first time since the morning send off, as I am squeezing in as much time possible during bedtime tuck ins.
Because of the connection that meal time can bring, I do feel like it is a time that should not only be promoted but protected. This is difficult for me as having several clients who can only meet in the evening, changing my schedule is not an option. Maybe that's my lack of faith....I don't know. I know one incredible woman whose family always has dinner together every evening at 5:30 on the dot. They have even moved sports teams to accommodate their family dinner time! While some may think this extreme, she feels not having this time together as a family is not an option for them. She has said, "I will move whatever I need to move around so we can have dinner together. Its that important to me." I so admire this mom and her determination to keep her family connected. Unfortunately, as a single working mom, this is not an option for me....
I struggled with this and thought, "there has to be a way that I can make this principle work better in our little family." While I am home quite a few nights, and am able to prepare and partake in the majority of their meals (no phones, books, or any distractions allowed) it isn't as often as I would like. I wanted more time to connect, also something that they will look back and remember that we always did "X". So here is how, in the words of Project Runway's Tim Gunn, I "Make it work!"...
A love of music and dancing is HUGE in our family. I pretty much have music wherever I go and I am notorious for dancing around the house while I am doing whatever, cooking, making my bed, etc. My kids will often join in this with me and we can all have some fun and let loose together. Saturday mornings also happen to be a time when we are always together. So, for quite a while now, we have been having our Saturday morning Pancake Breakfast Dance Party!! I feature different pancakes each week. At the beginning of the week, I will post that week's "special" along with the musical theme. My 14 year old creates the playlist for us. We all dance and cook and then sit down to enjoy our pancakes together. I love this time with them!!! They get excited to see what this week's feature will be. The last two weeks have included 80s Alternative Blueberry Oatmeal Pancakes and Disco Pineapple Pumpkin, Pecan Pancakes (these are my new favorite!)
My point to all of this lengthy rambling?? There are always things that we wish we had more time, resources, etc for. I have found that the less I stop wishing I had more of whatever or I could do more of whatever, and find an angle to satisfy whatever need I am wanting to fill or purpose I am wanting to obtain (in this case, creating memories and moments of closeness with my kids) with what I DO have and what I CAN do, it works just fabulously! So, take a little inventory of what you DO have available and what you CAN offer and "Make it work!" (and... if you can be stylish at the same time, BONUS!!) ;0)
Additionally, as a mother there is also something extremely satisfying to me about cooking a great tasting, healthy meal for my babies. I love to sit down with them and look at them both, ask about their day and just "be" with them. Unfortunately/fortunately, because I have to/am able to work the majority of weeknights, I am so sad to miss this with them and am often seeing them for the first time since the morning send off, as I am squeezing in as much time possible during bedtime tuck ins.
Because of the connection that meal time can bring, I do feel like it is a time that should not only be promoted but protected. This is difficult for me as having several clients who can only meet in the evening, changing my schedule is not an option. Maybe that's my lack of faith....I don't know. I know one incredible woman whose family always has dinner together every evening at 5:30 on the dot. They have even moved sports teams to accommodate their family dinner time! While some may think this extreme, she feels not having this time together as a family is not an option for them. She has said, "I will move whatever I need to move around so we can have dinner together. Its that important to me." I so admire this mom and her determination to keep her family connected. Unfortunately, as a single working mom, this is not an option for me....
I struggled with this and thought, "there has to be a way that I can make this principle work better in our little family." While I am home quite a few nights, and am able to prepare and partake in the majority of their meals (no phones, books, or any distractions allowed) it isn't as often as I would like. I wanted more time to connect, also something that they will look back and remember that we always did "X". So here is how, in the words of Project Runway's Tim Gunn, I "Make it work!"...
A love of music and dancing is HUGE in our family. I pretty much have music wherever I go and I am notorious for dancing around the house while I am doing whatever, cooking, making my bed, etc. My kids will often join in this with me and we can all have some fun and let loose together. Saturday mornings also happen to be a time when we are always together. So, for quite a while now, we have been having our Saturday morning Pancake Breakfast Dance Party!! I feature different pancakes each week. At the beginning of the week, I will post that week's "special" along with the musical theme. My 14 year old creates the playlist for us. We all dance and cook and then sit down to enjoy our pancakes together. I love this time with them!!! They get excited to see what this week's feature will be. The last two weeks have included 80s Alternative Blueberry Oatmeal Pancakes and Disco Pineapple Pumpkin, Pecan Pancakes (these are my new favorite!)
My point to all of this lengthy rambling?? There are always things that we wish we had more time, resources, etc for. I have found that the less I stop wishing I had more of whatever or I could do more of whatever, and find an angle to satisfy whatever need I am wanting to fill or purpose I am wanting to obtain (in this case, creating memories and moments of closeness with my kids) with what I DO have and what I CAN do, it works just fabulously! So, take a little inventory of what you DO have available and what you CAN offer and "Make it work!" (and... if you can be stylish at the same time, BONUS!!) ;0)
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