The Importance of Nurturing Creativity

I loved this presentation from Sir Ken Robinson at the TED conference a few years ago about the importance of creativity and his analysis on the way our current education system discourages us/our children from using it as we are generally taught "this must always equal that" and one right (or more right, if its a story problem, I suppose... lol) answer.

While this type of prep and knowledge unquestionably has value, unfortunately by discouraging creativity in schools (and maybe in our homes as well as we focus on our children bringing home those A's and grooming them for professions WE deem valuable), our view of the world and our potential in it, becomes increasingly limited as we lose our ability to see a broader spectrum of options.

After all, that is a large part of what the ability and freedom to be creative is about: seeing options. This ability to see options is a huge advantage when navigating through the adventure of life. I can't tell you how often in dealing with my clients I see their discouragement centered around the inability to identify options other than those they are currently stuck in. Ironically, although innately acquired, creativity and finding options becomes something that we end up having to relearn in our adulthood. How much easier then, we can make it on our children if we protect, foster and nurture their innate sense of creativity.

Sadly, it is becoming more and more apparent that we cannot rely on our school systems to nurture, build and even place the appropriate amount of value on our children's innate ability and need to be creative. Much like the story of Gillian Lynne, it is also OUR lack of creativity and the ability to identify other options as we parent our children that we often get discouraged or wonder what is wrong with them instead of being able to think outside of the box. It is up to us as parents to encourage and nurture creativity in our homes. But how do we do this? And, is it too late to start?

First of all, I am a firm believer that it is never too late to start being more effective. That is a never ending process. So I figure, we add to this process with each new insight we receive. We are always teaching our kids what is most important by the things we do. Much more powerful than the things we say, the things they see us do, where we spend most of our time and place most of our energy, most effectively communicates to them what is REALLY of utmost importance. That being said, the best way then to begin teaching the value of creativity is of course, to be doing these things ourselves.

What does this look like? If you were or ever wanted to be a dancer, start dancing. Take a dance class once a week. If you loved to write, get out a composition book and begin writing even if its just your thoughts to begin with. Or, if you were at one time a painter or you'd like to start now, go pick up a canvas and some paint and get to it! If its been years since you picked up your guitar or sat at the piano, don't let another week go by without sitting down to play. And if you always wanted to play but don't know how, sign up for lessons. You catch my drift. How can we help our children cultivate creativity if we are unwilling to do the same for ourselves?

Another great way to begin encouraging more creativity is to support the creative efforts of others. We should take our children to ballets/dance performances, plays, concerts, art galleries, museums and orchestra performances and talk together about what we noticed, thought and felt while observing these different forms and expression of creativity.

There are also more interactive types of activities that can help place an emphasis on creativity. From a large family finger painting (whether done with paint or colored pudding), to prop type games that encourage players to find alternate uses for each object, or an add on story where parts are created by each person adding upon the last person's contribution. When it comes to nurturing creativity in our homes,these are only a few fun games that can be played where the family can have fun and enjoy being creative together.

I agree that this is in fact one of the most incredible abilities we have as humans and it is far too underemphasized. The ability to be creative is essential in achieving ultimate joy and happiness in our lives. Let us start encouraging this in our children and ourselves as we seek to be better people and parents. The positive effects can be multi-facted and far reaching. How different Gillian Lynn's life would have been if it weren't for one person who was able to see beyond the current options given to be able to explain, "Gillian isn't sick. She's a dancer."

The healing of "Holding Time"

Physical affection and contact is something that everyone needs. It creates a type of closeness and connection that goes beyond what words can do. Occasionally in my practice, I will have a client who was raised in a family where there was no affection expressed at all. Both between husband and wife and from parent to child. This is always so sad to me because I know how essential touch and affection are in conveying closeness, comfort, safety, love and so many other feelings. Because this is so important, I have integrated into my "parenting toolbox" a technique that I learned from my dad years ago that my kids and I call "Holding Time." This technique consists of at least 10 minutes each week where you just hold/hug your kids and nobody talks. It is amazing to me the things that you can feel take place in that 10 minutes. I also found after implementing this that it is not only powerful for my kids but for me.

Most of the time it is just a great little (okay, long) hug with my kids that lets them know they are loved, but sometimes there are the times when you can feel more happening.

I remember one specific situation in which my daughter was having a bit of a rough morning. This carried over into our drive and on our way to school she was whiny and unhappy in the car. I could feel myself starting to get frustrated. We dropped off her brother and still had about 15 minutes before her school started. As we were getting ready to get out of the car and I could hear her still back there having a hard time, and feel myself getting more and more frustrated, I decided to pull an impromptu "Holding Time". I asked her to come up to the front seat of the car with me. When she did, I scooped her up and just held her and said, "It sounds like you're having a frustrating morning. Why don't we take a little break together and do some holding time, okay?" She said okay and without another word, we sat there in the front seat of my SUV, in the school parking lot and I held her close.

In the quietness between us, I felt her little body completely relax, her breathing slow down and her demeanor change. I also felt myself calming and letting go of my previous frustrations. In that moment, it was just her and I and an unspoken communication happening that was creating change. After about 8 minutes I softly said, "I think that is just what we both needed. Think you're ready to head to school now?" To which she replied, "I think so mom. Thanks. I feel a lot better." "Me too", I told her. Its pretty incredible what just 8 minutes of connectedness can do.

It isn't always possible to stop for "Holding Time" when frustrating things are happening. But, sometimes...it is. Either way, setting aside time each week, impromptu or not, to hold our kids and communicate together on this level can go such a long way.

I am grateful to my dad who taught me this and the closeness that it helps to create, even with my 14 yr old son. :0) It really is amazing. Just a few minutes of dedicated affection can go such a long way and can be so instrumental in changing the way we experience our lives. We may not even be aware of the entire range of positive effects. However, when my children grow up and someone asks them how they knew they were loved and cared for, I hope that this will be another way in which I was able to communicate that to them. I highly recommend scheduling it into your week.